ChronoTron

All your base are belong to us

Thou shalt love thy neighbour

with 21 comments

There are two kinds of people – those who know binary and those who don’t. Neighbours however, belong to the third breed, those who make you ponder about the reason why the human race exists in the first place. These 42 days in Ajaad (approximation is one of the quintessential qualities of an engineer) amongst the finest postgraduates our nation has to offer has added many new dimensions to the word “neighbourly”.

As a tribute to these fine, young gentlemen (PC demands), I present ten innovative ways to shower affection on your wingmates and continue maintaining the good relations you’ve built. Guaranteed to have your neighbours squealing with delight.

(in no particular order)

1. Meet the Smokers
“Sutta na mila” is a farce, period. The swine flu prevention mask that you bought has finally found some use, albeit for something completely different; wearing it inside your room prevents asthma (Pre-Order your chocolate flavoured mask today!). The flipside is that the various cigarettes scattered around double as a good tool for brand identification/equity (thanks to which we stood second in the legendary shARE quiz).

2. Keep it “Brief”
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no it’s just the neighborhood chuddi-maan! In the lineage of Marvel and DC’s crimebusters who wore their underwear over their pants, comes the omnipresent undie-man, who errr….chooses to wear only his underwear and roam about. Never has a single man evoked such a plethora of reactions – inspiration, disgust, amusement and (rarely) indifference. Though “Come on ra, it’s only a boys hostel” can be used to his defence, you have to take into account the opinion of two horny southies who exclaim with anguish, “I can accept the boxers but wearing V-cut chuddies all the time is ridiculous”.

3. Loved, Louder
Now, before you mistake the benign souls who play loud music on their 5.1 surround speakers, let me explain. These gentlemen only wish to provide free entertainment to the entire wing (or sometimes, the whole hostel) and what better way than Backstreet Boys and Pritam Chakraborty. Altruism knoweth no bounds.

4. What the Flush
Recent studies indicate that pressing the flush after you are done requires an average of 35.42J of energy. Blaming the folks who do not use the flush is incorrect as they are merely following the principle of conservation of energy. A wise man once said, “It is understandable if people forget to use the taps above the urinals but…………………………..” you get the picture, don’t you?

I am totally flus(h)tered.

5. Maddus are from Mars and Haddus are from Pluto
If you ever thought all those residing south of the Vindhyas were similar, think again! Apologies to my Haddu Brethren, but when you’ve grown up on Illayaraja’s and ARR’s very best and end up hearing the same in another language, it is but natural to curse the entire gult cult. During an I’m-missing-maddu-land phase of life, “Anjalu Anjaloo” is probably the last thing you want to hear. Had it not been for S.P.B’s divine baritone, I would have probably gone mad by now.

6. Election Manifrustos
Do you mind, if I stick a ‘Vote for Ajay Mishra (that’s me)’ poster on your door”. “Hi. I am standing for mess secy. Please get me atleast 40-50 votes from your batchmates”.  “Food is neither B.Tech nor M.Tech, so I am counting on you to get all B.Tech votes”. Nuff said.

7. Pukeistan
One reason to welcome Azad’s banning the elixir of those who swear by, “I drink, therefore I am”. In adherence to nature’s fundamental law of “What goes in has to come out”, the Bevdaa brigade once decided to defile the bathroom after their endeavours at sea. The result being no one in the wing was able to have a bath for the next few days.

8. Moan(a) Lisa
Moaning Myrtle’s got competition. Introducing Moan(a) Lisa, based on a true story. Not so long ago, in a galaxy close to the gaon, existed a particular room which emanated all sorts of noises. Moans, Shrieks, Wails, howls, you name it, they were all there in their full acoustic glory. Legend also has it the intensity of the sounds was inversely proportional to the distance from the nearest TS. Considering it was a double room, the lesser said, the better!

9. Read my blaag

Blaaaagging it seems, is the latest fad in the insti. Though not that common a grouch, “go read my latest blog post and make sure you comment” has become more of a command than a request. Inspirations are plenty though, especially when your neighbour’s blog is reassuringly titled “Change”. Obama, watch out!

10. Hairy Potter and the basin of hairyness

Tolkien would have probably said, “One day the hirsute shall rule the world”. Rajinikanth opines in Thillu Mullu, “Moustache is the mirror of the heart”. Neither of these however, can justify the presence of hair in the washbasin every single time. Do we need any more reasons to introduce TM-101 (Toilet Manners) as a compulsory course.


Disclaimer
: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead (especially those residing in Azad’s fifth wing) is purely co-incidental.

Posht Script: In Steven Tyler’s wise words, “All the things you do come back to you”. By this very logic, one can expect the aforementioned gentlemen to be blogging about a little chronophilic rat in their midst. Do keep tuning in to “Change”, ‘the unofficial pipth wing ka blog’ for further updates.

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Written by Chronoz

September 30, 2009 at 1:57 pm

21 Responses

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  1. 35.42J is a very rough estimation, I’d say. It completely depends on the make, I’ve realised with my prolonged experience. And taps above urinals? Since when? In case you missed the sarcasm, people never use them. I bet a decent lot doesn’t know they exist.

    Brilliantly said, each and every word. I am sorry if my, rather limited, knowledge
    allowed me to critically comment only on #4.

    P.S. : Pre-Order your chocolate flavored masks today! LOL.

    Vikesh Khanna

    September 30, 2009 at 2:45 pm

  2. And I was having breakfast when I read this. Murphy strikes again. On the positive side, my residence has not showed me any shocking images- yet. And of course, it is mixed.

    35.42? I get the funda, but 42.42/42.00 would be more like it.

    Raps

    September 30, 2009 at 3:00 pm

  3. Fokkiyaap post man! That just about sums up everything one needs to know about our revered Matkas, the brilliant blue brigade who have invaded R-land in gargantuan numbers. Right from the smoking to the lack of sufficient vestments to the extraordinary Haddu music to the highly mysterious ‘moans’ to the elction manifestos, you have described every single reason that proves that awesomeness on campus is purely courtesy this incredible group of PGs; we are but their poorer cousins adding just the tiniest tinge of class here and there.

    My dear Chronoz, you have certainly surpassed yourself. It seems joblessness brings out the best from you. Brilliant post again, something to laugh at after so many days.

    mk

    September 30, 2009 at 5:07 pm

  4. Gah, the no-flush kind is THE worst.

    Shru

    September 30, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    • Unakku enna? I’m sure you don’t face such problems.

      Chronoz

      October 1, 2009 at 6:53 am

  5. Moan(a)Lisa it seems, Good Lord! People are reading this i suppose.
    As for election manifestos, it seems very depressing that folks up here can not read the maddu on my face. They jabber on for fifteen minutes while i keep smiling on and on…
    Ah, and the legendary V-cut is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent 😛

    Fokiyaap work da anna, keep ’em coming 😛
    PS. Depressingly enough, the V-man never obeys the urinal protocol.

    Raghav

    October 1, 2009 at 4:00 am

  6. He he. Hilarious post. On top of Azad and the neighbours, are you also staying in one of the matchbox rooms?

    Saagar

    October 1, 2009 at 5:21 am

    • Luckily, no! I’m in one of those “and it was all yellow” rooms.

      Chronoz

      October 1, 2009 at 6:51 am

  7. I am dumbfounded! In a good way.. 😛

    Anunaya

    October 1, 2009 at 6:47 am

  8. @Rapu da: 35.42 was kinda arbit but still, consider 42.42. We know 7 is the largest primefactor of 42. 42.42-largestprimefactor(42) => QED.

    @Emka: Danku 🙂 Don’t be so derogatory as to call them “pots”. They are our academic elder brothers after all.
    Blue Brigade… LOL!

    Chronoz

    October 1, 2009 at 7:01 am

  9. @Horny Math-boy: Viva la V-Cut Chuddi.

    @Anunaya: Thanks

    Chronoz

    October 1, 2009 at 7:06 am

  10. Chronoz, I can challenge you that my neighbour ( also in azad for those who dont know) smokes more than your neighbour.
    You cant stand a second near his room( read my room).
    Add to smoking are his haddu songs on 1000W!!!!!!!! speakers.
    He even connects his mobile phone to those speakers when he is gaming on his mobile phone.

    Mayank Agarwal

    October 1, 2009 at 7:09 am

  11. after very serious thought, the relation you have mentioned is far from inverse hyperbolic. Its Gaussian my friend, Its normal 😛

    Sh_the_Alterego

    October 1, 2009 at 10:49 am

  12. I know one person who won’t be too happy reading this post.

    Murty

    October 2, 2009 at 6:54 pm

  13. Haha nice post but surely you’re digging your own grave? Btw, how come there’s no mention of Mary Jane plants and saraku? Don’t tell me R-Land is devoid of such things.

    Sand

    October 4, 2009 at 4:14 am

  14. @Moore-da: I can think of many but who may you be referring to?

    @Sand: They don’t read my blog. And as for mary jane, luckily her influence on my wing is much lesser than that on spidey!

    @Don: No da, it exponentially decreases and is highest when you won’t know them at all

    Chronoz

    October 4, 2009 at 7:55 am

  15. Talking of ShARE quizzes, what was ‘Big-Black’ again? This post was actually hilarious. Though it does alarm me with the disturbing possibility of you losing the ‘King Corny-ness’ title! Good post, again, da.

    Anirudh

    October 9, 2009 at 10:01 am

  16. Ah, diplomacy. I was expecting a Fight, Fight, Fight!

    Murty

    October 14, 2009 at 10:21 am

  17. @Ani-Dipolomatic-Roodh: Danku da. You always comment last, or so you thought! Not this time. And as far as corny-ness goes, I am and will always be your Shishya.

    @Moore: Oh come on. Its kondy for god’s sake. Did you really expect him to pour out his mind.

    Chronoz

    October 14, 2009 at 3:58 pm

  18. First, thank you on your insightful post. I love your website and find it very educational. I admire your aptitude of stating (by blogging) little things that other people do not take time to mention. I discovered it while doing an enquiry on Google as a consequence I for certain will return here when Ive more time.Thanks

    Jaymie Sparlin

    February 11, 2010 at 2:11 pm


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