All your base are belong to us

Maybe he does play dice after all

with 14 comments

Do you believe in probability?

For a long time, I didn’t. After all when the likes of Einstein proclaim, “God does not play dice with men”, us geeks have no choice but to nod our heads. And of course 18 years of experience has (supposedly) made a lot wiser; I believe in Murphy and not probability.

To hell with the favourable events (divided) by total events version. In Simple speak, probability says that whatever be the case, every baster worth his 2 cents should get his two minutes of glory.

Yet, how can we not miss the omnipresent Murphy who somehow always manages to seduce the goddess of triumph, just when we start smelling her scent.

With this in mind, I present:

Exhibit A: Train Journeys.
How many times have we found ourselves in that all-familiar situation praying that the person sitting opposite/next to us should be a cute girl. I have seen them all– Loud Aunties, Bespectacled Grampas, Irritating uncles asking too many questions to the occasional student who bores you with his (imaginary) exploits. Probability was supposed to give me a cute girl for company. Forget the cute, atleast a girl around my age group?

Exhibit B: In Hangouts
1. You see a one-in-a-million-girl
2. You even strike a decent conversation with her.
3. Just when thought things were going on smoothly, in comes the dashing boyfriend.
4. You know it’s all over.
5. Probability says that there should be a pretty girl who is single.

Exhibit C: So near yet so far.
Senti Senti Senti.

Exhibit D: Passes.
The stats couldn’t be more appalling than this. 280 passes, 700 fachchas. Wasn’t I atleast the 280th most popular guy in Arr-Jay-Bee? Apparently not.

Note: Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT a despo!

Probability is all but dead, or so I thought!

Yesterday R-Land’s loyal Litters, The Voyeuristic Master(pardon me, I’m not able to come up with anything more interesting), The Sober Jackass, All Guns Blazing and yours truly decided to celebrate our “single” status and the power of the bro-code by embarking on a legendary trip to See See Dee (Yesh! Incase you don’t know, R-land does have a CCD. Muahahahaha!!!!). One could call it a Lit Chapo, but honestly do such things even exist?

To be honest, there’s nothing great about CCD, so as usual it was the bakar that bailed us out. Complacent that all our fellows were having the times of their life in the junior fortress, we were loudly bashing up everything.. a bit too loud as VM had warned us. Our topics ranged from girls (DUH!) to Litta (Again!) to CG’s to just about anything. SJ’s classy, “Sorry sir, but we don’t know hindi” comment to the bhaiy.. errr Waiter(??) who was trying his best to sell a biscuit dabba will probably go down as one of my all time favourites.

In our drunken soberness, we were loudly bashing up a particular person, let us call her Arjuna (Why? You tell me) Right from doubting her gender, to making fun of her activities and status, we did it all. And then came the anti-climax, in the form of Arjuna herself who was all along sitting right behind us and ironically even waved a goodbye to SJ as she left CCD. As expected, SJ spent the rest of the trip murmuring, “She heard me.. she heard me not”.

And we were all left wondering. How? Of all the people, of all the days, of all the places in this godforsaken land… the probability was so bloody close to zero. Yet it wasn’t zero. And who better to answer this question than our wise old Murphy with his legendary, “If anything can go wrong, it will!”. Amen!

With the accursed TS fast approaching, I should probably be using my time more productively (ala ghissing), but somehow, I couldn’t resist this. For the last two weeks I’ve had loads of ideas to blog about, ranging from proxies to elections, but was too lazy to put hand to keyboard. But when this came up, I just knew I had to do it.

P.S: @The Mathematician: I miss you da, get well soon!

@The Voyeuristic Master: I congratulate you for taking the smartest decision of your life. But why am I not surprised?

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Written by Chronoz

March 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm

14 Responses

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  1. Hmmm… It’s pretty clear that you didn’t think too much about a nickname for VM, but, ironically, you did come up with something with many allusions. More on that some other time.

    The Sober Jackass probably must’ve gone and apologised to her this morning, and she probably gave him a smile and said “Sorry, sir, but I don’t speak English!”

    No offence, to poor Arjuna. 🙂


    March 26, 2009 at 12:38 pm

  2. Even More
    She heard us.Every word of it and also she has told it to every one we were talking about.
    Me and Pisra are screwed!!!!!!


    March 26, 2009 at 1:39 pm

  3. Guess what?
    Exhibit A : got this one. (for proof ask your fellow web designer)
    Exhibit B : got this one too. single grl one-in-a-million grl
    Exhibit C : ??
    Exhibit D : Well, need I say?


    Wiser/Cooler Pal

    March 26, 2009 at 6:19 pm

  4. Lovely.


    Blog more, Shre.


    March 26, 2009 at 8:00 pm

  5. Who said Lit chapos don’t exist? There’s one tonight.
    Hilarious post. I always thought that kind of thing only happened to me. But even I’ve never come that close. Thankfully. Do let me know the full repercussions sometime.
    Not even 1 in 280, eh? Sad. I used to boycott Bhawan Days beforehand. Saves everyone inconvenience as well as embarrassment.


    March 27, 2009 at 1:17 pm

  6. @Murty: I would have used Master Baster instead of VM, but that reminds of Sachin and I actually like that guy. so yeah….

    @Nerd: Have fun, I’m safe.

    @Wiser(??): I’m sorry I don’t believe your B nor do I care about C. 🙂

    @Shru: Thanks…


    March 28, 2009 at 4:06 am

  7. @Master Lefthanded Yoda: Thankee. I’m guessing this is the first instance of a lit chapo in a century (or as long as Lit has existed).

    Inspired by your example, the fachcha brothers have decided to boycott all femme hostel bhawan days. For now 😉


    March 28, 2009 at 4:57 am

  8. So near, yet so far.. Hmm… Stud post da.. Funny one as well.. Keep blogging da macha.. 🙂


    March 28, 2009 at 6:53 am

  9. … Um. I’ll pretend I understood all of that.

    Dude, you have wicked blogging skillz. Consider me Officially Impressed.

    Also? The sudden propensity for girls? Where is the serious, looming geek I knew??

    Also also? If you’ve visited my blog you might want to go back and hit refresh. Because. *waves futile hand*


    March 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm

  10. I’m glad you have followed up on what I started (or did I?) in my V-Day post.
    Anyway, I’d put my money on Murphy rather than Einstein anyway – you know why the Grand Unification Theory (or whatever its called) didn’t come through right?
    And yes, the ‘I’m not despo’ line was very much required.


    March 29, 2009 at 4:42 pm

  11. well written.. but i so do not accept your disclaimer.. it had DESPO written all over it :P.


    March 29, 2009 at 8:06 pm

  12. why don’t you try possibility theory for these situations? you will find that murphy’s law is upheld perfectly. i always felt there was a need for an alternative to probability theory.


    April 7, 2009 at 2:47 pm

  13. //5. Probability says that there should be a pretty girl who is single.//

    Ok.The probability that there MIGHT be a single pretty girl is finite, but the probability there WILL be a single pretty girl sitting next to you depends on a lot of factors; such as the reservation made by a girl who is viewed as pretty by a boy, who places her in a range of 8-10 on a scale of 10, and who also happens to be allotted the seat or ahem.. the berth 😉 next to you is far too random a process, and we cannot apply probability theory in entirely random situations.


    April 7, 2009 at 2:55 pm

  14. Well written, and humorous I must say. And the I am not DESPO line was the most obvious 😉
    And may I, yet again brag that us metallions have gotten Jawahar next year 😛
    Check out this:
    *breaks his head over Computing the tending to zero yet non zero(so near yet so far :P) probability of exhibit A turning up true atleast this summer*


    April 9, 2009 at 6:54 am

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