Angels and Dementors

01Jun09

If signs could kill, this could have as well been classified as manslaughter. Right from the seating, (5 rows from the screen, it could have been a 3D movie for all practical purposes) to the terrible reviews, nothing seemed right about the film adaption of one of my favourite works of fiction. To add to the misery, The Hindu’s, “You are better off reading the book” and Mr.Rajeev Wannabee-Sarcastic  Masand’s two on five still lingered in our minds as we entered one of the city’s coveted theatres feeling like Harry Potter after a meeting with a dementor.

And guess what, the state of expectations tending to zero actually helped our cause. The age old trick of an open mind did make the movie quite an enjoyable experience. Ofcourse, this won’t go down in my all-time-list but atleast it has the honour of not gracing the “Rotten Tomatoes” either. The movie is no way even half as gripping as the book but then again comparisons are unfair because as a wise man once said, “A book is a book is a book”! Moreover, compacting Dan Brown’s gargantuan blend of fact and fiction into a two hour movie is no mean feat and Ron Howard has to be appreciated for his half-decent effort. The subtle yet observable differences between the book and movie while might irritate some die hard Dan Brownians, does lend some credibility and originality to an otherwise predictable movie.

Most conspicuous in the movie is lack of strong individual performances. Weird hairstyles and in-emotiveness notwithstanding, Tom  Hanks has clearly done a better job than Da Vinci Code. But yet, coming from the same actor who stole the show in Forrest Gump, his performance leaves a lot to be desired. Vittoria Vetra would probably be better off as Langdon’s pet dog. The strong independent young lady portrayed in the book is replaced by an anxious scientist who prefers flirting with Langdon all the time apart from displaying a newfound interest in Christian history. Sadly, she isn’t eye-candy either. The assassin, one of my favourite characters in the book is non-existant. His brutal flamboyance is sadly missing, instead in his place we have a bespectacled joker who only follows his unknown master’s instructions.

The show however, belonged to Ewan McGregor. Obi-Wan Kenobi returns in a new avatar to stun the audience with a performance par excellence making full use of the Camerlengo carefully sketched by Brown. Comparisons to Ledger may seem inevitable. While he may not win an Oscar for his role, he is without a doubt the Man of the match.

Overall, I wouldn’t go as far as to call the movie a “must-watch”. If haven’t read the book, then don’t ruin your life by watching the movie first. If you have and are suffering from the “Extreme Velaness Disorder” (read as jobless), then give it a shot. If you aren’t vela, but are a Dan Brown fan, you shouldn’t miss it either. Either ways, you’d probably be better off watching this Hanks rather than his son in that awful excuse for a movie.

My rating – 3/5

Filed under: All about Me   |  13 Comments

One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

26May09

Laziness is in the air! For a metaphorical eternity I’ve been wanting to press the publish button and unleash the clichéd and retrospective year end post. But yet as I sit in front of this black box, the very fingers which boast of a typing speed of well over 75wpm are unable to co-ordinate with their cranial master and string together a few words. Neither the  receding blogline which says “Chronotron – 5 weeks ago”, nor the dozen others senti posts by fellow basters are able to break this mould of laziness which has cropped up. But dear reader(??), do forgive me this one time … After all, its that time of the year when my enviable hindi skills can rest in peace, when the ubiquitous “Oh! You’ve grown so thin” exclamation results in brilli-aunt sweets being stuffed inside and when I get to meet old acquaintances and reminisce about those green and salad days.

Savage Garden with their “Truly, Madly, Deeply” were the runners-up for the title of a post where I attempt a futile sojourn down my short-term memory lane.  How can I forget? My legendary pole dance in the first of its kind Litta chapo.  The destruction of various rooms – the only meaningful exercise in an farzi endeavor calling itself Bhawan day. The end of an era where I was a diligent NCC Cadet. Fervour (the passion?) in Azad and Cautley TV rooms as we cheered the Devils who are truly on their way towards a magical quadruple. Long hours  spent in front the RJB canteen for FAQ (Fachchas associated with Quizzing no more?) meetings, and more recently the farewell quiz. A few memorable moments that I draw from the pool of nostalgia but believe me, this semester was so much more. It is times like these that make me wish that I lived in Harry Potter’s magical world. That way, a Pensive could help me re-live all these magical moments which otherwise may fall into the bottomless abyss of life.

The coming semester will be exciting in its own way. Yet the hallowed portals of LitSec^TM and WONA will never be the same. No more quizzes where the QM in all his geekiness proclaims “bullet time” to be a household word. No more wardrobe malfunctions or modified-Baba-Dude Symbols. No more turban-spotting. And alarmingly, no more girls in Litta (hopefully the coming batch is able to throw up an answer to that)… The crowd in Cautley’s TV room shall never be the same again. No more fist pumping by an otherwise serene, cute chap with the Man-U Tee Shirt. Meetings of the morons Inc will throw up many new faces. Bulks, Sulks and resident geeks have taken their seats in the audience, it is the era of baldness, of Chewbeccas and underwear.

Life being a cycle, the future will always bring with it an element of the past. Maybe one fine day I’ll look at some minion and comment, “Did I ever tell you? You remind me of this dinosaur/left hander”… but they can never be the same. G-71 & 81 shall always hold a sweet spot in this memory… Scrabble, 1TB harddisks and WOTalk notwithstanding, there is something special about those visits to the farm house or maybe as the Mallu Marauder put it perfectly, “We came to seek your blessings”..

When I’m 64 (sorry Dela, you changed the title), and when I think of this particular phase of my life labeled by an ordered pair (1,2), all that I’ll have with me to enter the bittersweet world of nostalgia will be a few dozen jpeg files (for the uninitiated, facebook is your friend) and a boastworthy nine point something. But neither in all their mundaneness can hope to sum up a (as clichéd as it may sound), a roller-coaster of a semester.  For some undecipherable reason, this rhyme which inspired Ken Kesey and probably thousands of others comes closest

One flew east, one flew west
And one flew over the cuckoo’s nest

Filed under: IIT Roorkee   |  7 Comments
Tags: Farewell, Litta, R-Land, Senti, WONA

The Other Side

14Apr09

Buried deep beneath the deep crevices of self centered euphoria, agony and emotions lie the few fleeting moments one is able to extend his vision beyond the mundane realms of everyday life to the flipside, what appears to us as the dark side. Call it what you may, history is too partial with odes to the triumphant and shadows of death to the vanquished.

It had all the markings of a quintessential rickshaw journey. Starting off with the usual bargaining, we finally settled on the amicable amount of Rs.50 (More on my legendary bargaining skills later). I should have noticed the signs when he tried to make small talk enquiring about my health. Generally I avoid any sort of conversation with the rickshaw-wallahs so as to simply not expose my exemplary hindi skills. Initially I managed to fend off some questions with the customary smiles and “theek hai” ’s and then the conversation took a turn. For the worse.

Note: Bhaiyya’s conversations were all in Hindi. It is imperative here to mention that I really didn’t get half of what he said. The other half which I supposedly got, again I’m guessing as to what he said. My understanding of hindi is primarily based on my logical skills, limited vocabulary and use of arbit English words here and there which let me pick up the context.

What ensued was total chaos. Read on….

Filed under: All about Me   |  23 Comments

Maybe he does play dice after all

26Mar09

Do you believe in probability?

For a long time, I didn’t. After all when the likes of Einstein proclaim, “God does not play dice with men”, us geeks have no choice but to nod our heads. And of course 18 years of experience has (supposedly) made a lot wiser; I believe in Murphy and not probability.

To hell with the favourable events (divided) by total events version. In Simple speak, probability says that whatever be the case, every baster worth his 2 cents should get his two minutes of glory.

Yet, how can we not miss the omnipresent Murphy who somehow always manages to seduce the goddess of triumph, just when we start smelling her scent.

With this in mind, I present:

Exhibit A: Train Journeys.
How many times have we found ourselves in that all-familiar situation praying that the person sitting opposite/next to us should be a cute girl. I have seen them all– Loud Aunties, Bespectacled Grampas, Irritating uncles asking too many questions to the occasional student who bores you with his (imaginary) exploits. Probability was supposed to give me a cute girl for company. Forget the cute, atleast a girl around my age group?

Exhibit B: In Hangouts
1. You see a one-in-a-million-girl
2. You even strike a decent conversation with her.
3. Just when thought things were going on smoothly, in comes the dashing boyfriend.
4. You know it’s all over.
5. Probability says that there should be a pretty girl who is single.

Exhibit C: So near yet so far.
Senti Senti Senti.

Exhibit D: Passes.
The stats couldn’t be more appalling than this. 280 passes, 700 fachchas. Wasn’t I atleast the 280^th most popular guy in Arr-Jay-Bee? Apparently not.

Note: Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT a despo!

Probability is all but dead, or so I thought!

Yesterday R-Land’s loyal Litters, The Voyeuristic Master(pardon me, I’m not able to come up with anything more interesting), The Sober Jackass, All Guns Blazing and yours truly decided to celebrate our “single” status and the power of the bro-code by embarking on a legendary trip to See See Dee (Yesh! Incase you don’t know, R-land does have a CCD. Muahahahaha!!!!). One could call it a Lit Chapo, but honestly do such things even exist?

To be honest, there’s nothing great about CCD, so as usual it was the bakar that bailed us out. Complacent that all our fellows were having the times of their life in the junior fortress, we were loudly bashing up everything.. a bit too loud as VM had warned us. Our topics ranged from girls (DUH!) to Litta (Again!) to CG’s to just about anything. SJ’s classy, “Sorry sir, but we don’t know hindi” comment to the bhaiy.. errr Waiter(??) who was trying his best to sell a biscuit dabba will probably go down as one of my all time favourites.

In our drunken soberness, we were loudly bashing up a particular person, let us call her Arjuna (Why? You tell me) Right from doubting her gender, to making fun of her activities and status, we did it all. And then came the anti-climax, in the form of Arjuna herself who was all along sitting right behind us and ironically even waved a goodbye to SJ as she left CCD. As expected, SJ spent the rest of the trip murmuring, “She heard me.. she heard me not”.

And we were all left wondering. How? Of all the people, of all the days, of all the places in this godforsaken land… the probability was so bloody close to zero. Yet it wasn’t zero. And who better to answer this question than our wise old Murphy with his legendary, “If anything can go wrong, it will!”. Amen!

With the accursed TS fast approaching, I should probably be using my time more productively (ala ghissing), but somehow, I couldn’t resist this. For the last two weeks I’ve had loads of ideas to blog about, ranging from proxies to elections, but was too lazy to put hand to keyboard. But when this came up, I just knew I had to do it.

P.S: @The Mathematician: I miss you da, get well soon!

@The Voyeuristic Master: I congratulate you for taking the smartest decision of your life. But why am I not surprised?

Filed under: All about Me, Yet Another Rant   |  14 Comments
Tags: Litta, Math, Murphy, R-Land, Rant

CRASH!

06Mar09

6.626 x 10 ^-34 – the number in big bold font stared at me in the face. Planck’s constant, one of the many mystical numbers which the force had embedded in nature, a number that keeps on reappearing in one’s physics copies and a number that I was supposed to obtain at the end of my experiment.

Even after three full years of catastrophes & manipulations in the physics laboratory, I still fail to comprehend as to why one has to undertake processes of extremely tedious nature to find out the values of numerous constants and verify the validity of n (lim n -> infinity) formulae. Something that great scientists have already done; centuries ago! Infact it is an insult of the zeroth order to the laborious tasks that they have performed, because what they painstakingly did in years with primitive tools, we are asked to complete in under two hours with highly sophisticated machines. And its not that if I announce “my value” of Pi is 3.1416 and not 3.1415 as they had thought to be all along, they would take my words and hail me the next big thing.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had by the method of radiation, calculated that Planck’s constant was 6.6… and now I was being forced by the crudeness of the syllabus to repeat this again, but this time using Photo electric effect. O Force, thou art fled to brutish beasts.

Filed under: IIT Roorkee   |  10 Comments

To be or not to be!

14Feb09

It was that time of the year again, when only human minds are more cluttered than study tables, when “ghissu” becomes a compliment than a “gaali”, when spotting a soul on the corridors is more difficult than spotting a member of the female species, when people fight for the local ghissu’s tut copy, when serious looks greet you in the mess rather than the customary smiles, when bakar consists of only Electrodynamics and multiple integrals, and ofcourse, the time of the year when IITR faces power cuts. Welcome to the yet another dreaded TS (Test-Series) in the life of an IIT’ian. It was during this time of the year, that yours truly fed up with the terrible math portions and having reached his saturation decided to use his FREE message scheme to bug the local “Illusioned Mathematician”. and what ensued follows.

Note: MA-102, being such a terrible course, does not really have any proper text book that students follow. And hence all sorts of books from Berman to Iyengar to Kreyzig are being used. The book under discussion is one of its kind. It is most definitely not a book to learn mathematics, yet it seems to have a cult status which defies any logic, maybe because of the fact that it has a decent problem collection. Yours truly decided to investigate it one fine night to find out what it was really made of. For the sake of clarity, we shall be referring to it as a book by a Random Indian Author (RIA). Read on!

ME: Man, RIA is terribly bugging. It has questions which are conceptually simple, but integrating them is a pain in the neck. God save our souls.

The Illusioned Mathematician (TIM): I dont see such books unless someone comes with a doubt in those books. I maintain my standard irrespective of what standard the course coordinator sets.

ME: My dear chap, A rose grows in a ditch. Similarly these Indian authors have taken great pains to search various foregin books and rip-off only the best of sums. As an indian, i feel that i should atleast honour the service done by our fellow countrymen. After all searching n^n foreign books to extract only the best of questions, is not really an easy task!

TIM: Oh, i just despise these books.. there are some superb indian author books no doubt but not RIA. Math first, and then comes india.
Opinions differ.

ME: How sad.. Ask not what the country has done to you but what you have done for the country. I feel that RIA has the same probs as any other socalled top class foreign/indian book… so for mathematical laymen like yours truly, its all the same.

TIM: Really depends on your purpose. you wanna forget integration after Ma102, so RIA rocks… i wanna die the moment, i forget my first bit of maths so bermans my book. Close this topic. wont get us anywhere.

ME: When did i ever mention that RIA rocks??

No reply!

Hmmm…In my humble opinion, its all in the mind. And what you do defines what/who you are. Its most definitely not how you do it. Yeah, I was playing for the gallery (quite obviously), but was I the only one?

P.S: Airtel is such a smart-ass, they’ve upped the SMS rates just for today.

P.P.S: No V-Day wishes from me. Check this out, for more details.

P.P.S: Some lame reply did come after an hour, but I fail to remember it.

Filed under: All about Me, Humor, IIT Roorkee   |  4 Comments
Tags: Humor, Math, Roorkee, Valentines Day

Looks like the Big G’s messed up big time!

30Jan09

Before you start making dreaming about a brilli-yaant security flaw in the heart of google’s Page Rank (Pigeon rank, anyone?) Algorithm that yours truly discovered and has sent all of google’s engineers into a tizzy, let me remind you that this is my blog, so this post is bound to be lame!

Okay, coming to the matter: Google! A company that took the world by storm in the early 2000’s; a company known for its innovation in web services; a company known to hire only the best of the engineers! But yet a company thats not got its grammar right! Man, send them to kindergarden, I say!! Larry and Sergey, better watch out!

Filed under: Tech Funda   |  3 Comments

Chronicles of a Freezing Freak – Part I

22Jan09

Once upon a time, in the sunny realms of Chennai (or Madras as he still liked to call it) lived a happy-go-lucky kid who just wanted to enjoy life. (In fact sunny was/is an understatement cause the land had never seen its temperature dip below 25C and kid never got the chance to associate anything but people’s reactions with the word “cold”) And then it happened… God was apparently displeased with the kid for no particular reason and so he subjected the kid to 2 years of rigorous imprisonment. With no company whatsoever, the kid decided to immerse himself into his books, or so he thought! Those two years in jail turned out to be a blessing in disguise as the kid met people whom he could actually call “friends”, and of course he met a person whom he would never, ever forget in life!

The two years in jail whizzed by and without knowing it, the kid was actually having fun! Or so he thought! God was displeased once again, jails are not meant for having fun right? So along with his trusted sidekick Murphy, he screwed the kid where it hurt the most and as a corollary packed him away to a far off land, previously unheard of!

Filed under: All about Me, IIT Roorkee, Yet Another Rant   |  7 Comments